I remember my first session

Ladies, every week so many incredible women are vulnerable with me – whether it’s inside our empowering Facebook group or here in the studio during a shoot. It’s only fair that I in turn, get vulnerable with you too. 

Today, I wanted to open up to you in the hopes that it will help you understand why boudoir photography is so important to me.

I have had cerebral palsy my whole life. I’m incredibly lucky that it is just a mild condition and doesn’t severely impair me, but I have undergone numerous surgeries and they have left some pretty gnarly scars – both physically and emotionally.

When I was 5 years old my body rejected the sutures so all of my incisions opened and got infected, leaving wide scars. Although it was painful, these surgeries were necessary and I am grateful that despite them, I was able to live a pretty typical life. But, I can’t minimize the challenges I experienced as a teenage girl as a result.

It was really fucking hard to look at my legs and see something good. 

All I saw were these purple scars that looked so big and ugly to me. I was extremely self-conscious about them and it was so exhausting having to answer the same questions about them from everyone all the time. It really hurt when people would stare at my legs before looking me in the eyes.

Like most teenagers, my body issues continued as I got older. The scars deeply affected my self-esteem. I even went to see a plastic surgeon at one point but he told me there was nothing that could be done. Whatever they could try would only leave me with a larger scar. I was stuck with them.

When I met my husband at 24, he never made me feel weird or uncomfortable about the appearance of my scars. He saw them merely as a part of me – not my whole identity. 

Once we were engaged, I decided I was ready to try to have my first boudoir session. It was something I had been wanting to do for a while and I couldn’t wait anymore! I knew it would make the perfect gift for him as we got ready to embark on this next stage of our lives together.

Before the session, I got a prep guide on what to bring. Hair and makeup was not included so I got my makeup done at the MAC store in downtown Philly and I curled my own hair. 

When I tell you I was a bag of fucking nerves, I am not kidding. I wanted to throw up and go home. But, my “sexy selfies” really were not cutting it anymore since they were less sexy, more blurry and missing half of my body LOL. 

As I was getting my makeup done my mind started racing. “I’ve never met this person and I’m going to walk in and take my clothes off?!” Like was I crazy!? 

Somehow, I pushed through these thoughts and started walking over to the hotel where we were shooting. I walked in and was greeted by the incredibly kind photo team.

They didn’t waste a single second and got straight to work.

I was guided to the bedroom to change into my first outfit and just 5 minutes later, there I was in my bra and underwear. 

I felt very…bare. 

The photographer was guiding me verbally to try different poses. But, I’m a visual learner so this really wasn’t helping me.

I just kept thinking “oh god, does my face look insane?! Do I smile? How do I look sexy?!” 

The whole experience was a blur and my head was spinning. 

Somehow, 45 minutes passed by and the team was showing me my images. 

Although there were some that I liked, in most of them my discomfort was so apparent. The worst part was my face was heavily edited. I know that some people love that style of photography, but my heart truly dropped when I saw it.

“This isn’t me at all” I thought to myself. 

I only left with two images because to be honest, they were really expensive and I was not provided a pricing guide ahead of time so I didn’t have the opportunity to prepare financially.

If you are new around here, you don’t know this about me yet – but I am a problem solver. 

I left thinking, “there has got to be a better way to do this – to make women feel GOOD instead of not good enough”. 

This is where my journey as a boudoir photographer began. 

I started by taking courses. Every course I could find on photography, body positivity, and boudoir specifically. I invested thousands of dollars on my education.

Then, I bought a cheap camera and started practicing. 

Once I started to get my style down, I wrote out all of the things I wanted inside of my dream boudoir business. I’m proud to say that I was able to check off every item on that wishlist! 

First, I hired a hair and makeup team. Having the glam squad included in the day helps bring down the stress levels of my clients. They don’t have to go through the challenge of trying to find artists to work with because they are already there waiting for them at the shoot. 

While we glam them up, my clients are able to get to know us which puts them more at ease when it comes time to shoot and we’re asking them to be completely raw with us.

Next, I knew I would have some clients who wouldn’t know what to wear during their shoot. I didn’t want them to feel like they had to buy something specifically for the day (especially if it wasn’t going to be something they’d wear again!) So, I built a client closet. 

Of course, inclusivity is a huge cornerstone of my business, so you will find incredible items of every size in there. 

I style every client with different accessories to make sure we are highlighting their unique beauty. I truly have something for everyone so that every client can look and feel her best during our time together. 

Then, I thought about the challenges that I experienced when I was trying to figure out how to pose during my own session. I knew that I wanted my clients to actually enjoy themselves and not be worrying about whether or not they were “doing it right”. 

The Emotive Photography with Denise Birdsong course was a game-changer for this. I learned how to bring emotion out of each client naturally and how to help them effortlessly and beautifully pose.

I’m happy to report that my first (stressful!) boudoir experience was not the last shoot that I did. As a boudoir photographer I think it’s really important to come out from behind the camera every so often to put myself in the shoes of my clients so I can continue to create experiences for them (as the photographer) that are what I would be craving as the client. 

Last year, I made a trip to Fort Worth to see my boudoir bestie and she took the most AMAZING photos of me. Although, I am still SO self conscious of my scars, seeing them in this new light was nothing short of life-changing. 

She provided me with the same kind of elevated experience that I provide my clients. I started in hair and makeup, then we went to her client closet where she helped me find something to accentuate my body type. The body suit we picked out was so flattering! Next, she guided me through every pose and showed me exactly what to do. 

I could tell from those images how much more relaxed I was since I really didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t have to try to think of what to do next because she guided me. I can’t stress enough how much better this experience was for me. And of course, not surprisingly I came home with an entire album of beautiful images that empower me instead of just 2.

If you walk away from my story with just one thing, let it be that there are a million and one boudoir photographers out there and you have to choose one that will make it magical for you.

A person who will turn it into an incredible experience, rather than work or stress for you. Someone who is going to make you relaxed and have fun rather than anxious and stiff the entire time. Trust me, you will see such a huge difference in your photos when your photographer is the right fit.

Boudoir photography could not be more different than family portraits or weddings. It is so intimate and raw. If you’re uncomfortable, it will show. 

That’s why when you book a session you are not just paying for the beautiful album/prints. You are paying for the entire experience which is what is going to lead to the result you want – unforgettable memories and images that remind you every day of how beautiful you are. 

I can’t wait to celebrate you and leave you feeling ready to take on the world. Thank you for giving me the honor to do that! 

I’ll never forget how nervous I was the first time I had boudoir photos taken of me, so if you ever want to chat through anything that’s scaring you – email me! Let’s chat it out.