Okay sappy post ahead!

I have had cerebral palsy my whole life. I’m incredibly lucky it is a mild condition for me but the numerous surgeries have left some pretty gnarly scars. My body had rejected the sutures when I was 5 so all of my incisions opened and got infected leaving some pretty wide scars. Yes, yes, these surgeries were necessary and I absolutely am grateful to be able to be able to live a pretty typical life. But as a teenage girl, it was really fucking hard to look at my legs and see something good. All I saw were these purple scars that were so big and ugly. It was exhausting to answer the same questions and notice how eyes went to my legs before my eyes.

As I got older, I still had body issues just like any teenager, but these scars got to me so much still. I went to see a plastic surgeon who basically told me there was nothing they could do. Even if they tried, it would just end up with a larger scar. I was stuck with them.

I met my now husband when I was 24. My husband never made me feel weird or uncomfortable about my scars. He saw them as a part of me not my whole identity. While we were engaged, I went to have my first boudoir session. I’ve never done it before and I was so excited. Before the session, I got a prep guide on what to bring. Hair and makeup was not included so I got my makeup done at MAC store in downtown Philly and curled my own hair. When I tell you I was a bag of fucking nerves, I am not kidding. I wanted to throw up and go home. But my sexy selfies were less sexy and more blurry and missed half my body hahahaha.

I’m in MAC getting my makeup done and I’m feeling ok. I’m nervous because I’ve never met this person and I’m going to walk in and take off my clothes! Like was I crazy!? Nevertheless, I pushed through and made the 3 or 4 block walk to the hotel we were meeting at. When I walked in two realllllly nice ladies greeted me. There was literally no time to waste though. They guided me to the bedroom to change into my first outfit and 5 min later, there I was in my bra and underwear. I felt very…bare. I was guided verbally through poses. I will be honest I am a visual learned so this was very difficult for me! I was thinking “ Oh god does my face look insane?! Do I smile? How do I look sexy?!” It was a blur and my head was spinning. I got dressed and about 45 minutes later, the duo was showing me my images. Some were really great! Some…I can feel how uncomfortable I was through the photo. My face however, was SO EDITED. I’m sure people love that look and power to them but it made my heart drop. “This isn’t me at all” I thought to myself. I left with two images because to be honest they were really expensive and if I had gotten a price guide beforehand I could have prepared better.

If you know me, you know I am a problem solver. I left thinking, there has got to be a better way to do this and make women feel GOOD instead of not good enough. That’s how I started my journey.

I started by taking courses. Every course I could find on photography, body positivity, and boudoir specifically. I bought a cheap camera and started practicing. When I started to get my style down, I started to write down things I would want.

I added a hair and makeup team. Not only does this bring down the stress level of my clients trying to find an artist and putting out extra money, it gives them time to get to know me and my team before I ask them to be completely raw with me. I knew I had to have a client closet for clients who didn’t know what to buy or didn’t want to have the hassle of rushing to buy things they were only going to use for one day. I style every client with different accessories. The past experience of how much stress I had on my session and I wanted to do my very best to alleviate that for my clients.

Next, I knew I wanted to make posing as easy as possible. I wanted my clients to ENJOY themselves and not be so focused on what they were doing. I took a course in Emotive Photography with Denise Birdsong (photogs you need this course!!!) This course sent me to the level of care I required of myself to my clients. I learned how to bring emotion out naturally in each client and effortless facial posing.

At the end of last year, I made a trip to Fort Worth to see my boudoir bestie and she took some AMAZING photos of me. I am still SO self conscious of my scars but seeing them in this new light was so life changing. She had me started in hair and makeup, then onto her client closet where I could find something for my body type (with her help) then she guided me with every pose and told me exactly what to do. I could tell from my images how much more relaxed I was since I didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t have to think of what to do next SHE TOLD ME! I can’t stress enough how much better this was.

All of this to say…there’s a million and one boudoir photographers out there and you have your choice of anyone. Choose the person you think is going to make this an EXPERIENCE rather than work for you. Someone who is going to make you relaxed and have fun rather than anxious and stiff the entire time. Boudoir is so different than families and weddings. It is so intimate and raw. If you’re uncomfortable, it will show. You’re not only paying for the photos and a beautiful album/prints, but the experience as well.

xoxo

Megan